Afterthoughts from Letters to Juliet

I didn't go to him, Juliet. I didn't go to Lorenzo. His eyes were so full of trust I promised I'd meet him and run away together because my parents don't approve. But, instead, I left him waiting for me below our tree - waiting and wondering where I was. I'm in Veronoa now. I return to London in the morning and I am so afraid. Please, Juliet tell me what I should do. My heart is breaking and I have no one else to turn to.

Love, Claire 

Dear Claire,

What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don't know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn't it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart. I don't know what a love like Juliet's feels like - love to leave loved ones for, love to cross oceans for but I'd like to believe if I ever were to feel it, that I will have the courage to seize it. And, Claire, if you didn't, I hope one day that you will.

All my love, Juliet 

Last night, I was wondering what should I be doing for Sunday. Should I watch a movie or maybe read a pocketbook? Should I surf the net and watch some Korean drama? Should I write a story and post it in my blog? There are just so many options.

This Sunday morning, after my parents and I attended mass, we went home, and it was blackout. After doing chores and running errands, I decided I wanted to watch a feel-good movie. Since it’s blackout and my only means of watching a movie is my laptop, I chose Letters to Juliet because it’s stored there and I haven’t seen it yet.

I just loved the whole story, and I thought that that is exactly what I want in my life. I want to be a writer. I want to go through such an adventure, write a beautiful story about it, and have it published. I want to write about love, loss, pain, adventure, and everything that I can write about; and, I want to fall in love. It’s even ironic that despite my great desire to write, I chose a course that’s quite unrelated from my passion. I chose to be an Accounting major. After having thought about that, that same old fears haunted me again. My course has demanded so much of my time that I rarely had the chance to write, unlike when I was in high school that I had the luxury of time to write poems and stories. Now, I only have a few written pages in my journal. I fear for it. I fear that I may never have the time to write. I fear that I might forget how it is to write. And, I fear that I might forget what it feels like to write.

I never exactly knew if I was a good writer. I never had my writings read in the open. That is why sometimes I see myself as a frustrated writer. Add to that the fact that I’m not good with words. I’m not good at describing things because the words that I know of, that I’m familiar with are ample and insufficient. My friends would always say that I’m good in English, that I’m a walking dictionary, just because I got a superior in our English Proficiency Exams. Yes, I’m a sceptic when it comes to grammar. But then again, I was never good with words. But, I’m very much willing to learn. And, most of time, when I want to write, the words just won’t come out right. When I think about what it is that I exactly want to say, words and thoughts would perfectly flow in my mind. But when I start writing, everything that I thought of becomes distorted. It’s like I’m in a trance, then all of a sudden, I’m back to reality.

Frankly, Sophie is the kind of person I want to be like in the future. But, whenever I think that I want to be like this person, I get disturbed because of what I learned from our retreat. Why do we want to be like other when we can be ourselves? I don’t know. Maybe I just misinterpreted its message. Nevertheless, my desire remains the same. I want to be a writer. I want to go through such an adventure, write a beautiful story about it, and have it published. I want to write about love, loss, pain, adventure, and everything that I can write about; and, I want to fall in love.